Tricks of the Trade

I gained some great life skills as an oldest child. No, it was not the fact that I was "old enough to know better" though I certainly heard that often enough. It was the art of puppetry. Some people would call it manipulation but that has an ugly ring to it. I prefer puppetry.

Most of my early teen years were spent feeling like my dad had wanted a boy first. No such luck. He had to wait 7 years after the first attempt to finally get one.
Anyway, as the oldest, the hard jobs fell on me. I learned to split wood, mow the lawn, build my first car, etc. You know the usual girl stuff. Except NOT. Every weekend I prayed that what ever it was that I had to do it would be done in the backyard where no one would see me. But again, I digress.
So, it was on one of these occasions that it occurred to me I had potential slave labor at my disposal. It would just take the right...motivation.
There are some universal truths about children. 1) They love games 2)They enjoy a little healthy competition (in particularly between siblings) and 3)They trust just about everyone.
The task at hand that day was to move the insane amount of branches that my dad had just cut from the trees in the front yard and move them around to the back of the house by the wood pile. Did I mention they were in the front yard?? Ok, this was a problem. Not only were they in the front yard but the only way to get them where they needed to go was to drag them across the yard and drive way, around the far corner of the house and then across the back yard. Apparently cutting through the garage with them was not an option.
Think...think...think.... GOT IT!
So the victims, er...siblings, were playing (where is the fairness!!) in the front.

I carefully laid the bait. "Hey! Check this out" It's important to make whatever it is that you eventually want them to look fun or cool or like the most amazing thing they have ever seen.

"I can drag all these branches at one time by myself" This is where you set the standard, making sure to set the bar high so that it may take several attempts for them to achieve it. But don't make it so hard that it is impossible. I started with 4 branches neatly stacked on top of each other.

"And watch how fast I can drag them. You should time me!" Even if this is the hardest thing you have ever done, make it look easy and most importantly KEEP SMILING.

After you have done it once, whatever "it" is, make sure you follow the next steps to the letter. You can choose your own wording.

"I bet you can't do that. It would be too hard for you because your little. That's why dad asked me to do it." Them's fightin' words to any little brother or sister on the planet. Name dropping your parents adds credibility.

"Oh yeah?" and "I bet I can's" soon follow. It is at this point that you must set the ground rules. How much time do they have, what is the minimum they can do, etc. Remember you are in control. If you add in how surprised/proud/happy your parents will be to see them helping it will get you even further. Of course this can never happen because "you're old enough to know better" and you will be in trouble.

Making it a race or some other type of contest is the best route to take. Once they are off and doing the actual work you MUST stay in a visible location. You don't have to actually "do" anything other than make it look like you are doing something. For instance, "I'm going to walk ahead of you to make sure the path is clear and you can get through there super fast". In reality, you are probably on look-out for anything that resembles a parent. If at any time they catch on to you, don't panic! Stay calm and try the hook again "See, I knew you couldn't do it. You're just giving up" As long as your siblings believe you are still doing "something" they will stick it out.

Once the work is done, be prepared for the "What do we get?". As long as you never actually promised them anything, you are in good shape. This is where they can begin learning the joys of a job well done, and isn't that a reward in itself? Smaller children take praise really well, "Wow, you really surprised me. You can do it after all. You're much bigger than I thought."

I will be honest, the older they get, the harder it becomes to just snowball them. Later on they respond better to threats, offers of money and, when all else fails, blackmail. That last one is tricky though because as the older sibling, they probably have a LOT more dirt on you than you have on them.

When you become a parent, a teacher, or work in upper management, these skills can, may and will come in handy. With your own children, keep these tips in mind:
1. Remember to make it a game
2. Continue to look busy yourself; rearrange items on the table, wipe down the counter a few hundred times, etc.
3. Sell it to your spouse before they have a chance to tell him what they did today. Example-"Look, honey, the kids helped out with the dusting today. Aren't you proud of your little helpers?" Make sure the children are present when you do this. That way he is less likely to point out all the places they missed. After all, you can't go back over it because that would just crush their little feelings and self esteem.
If the kids tell first, you will be exposed as a labor camp captain. Strike first!
4. Kids are pretty smart for the most part. If you're not careful, you will blow it. Oh sure, once in awhile you meet a kid that you look at and think "how in the world did this kid make it out of the womb on his own without a road map and a flash light" but most of them are pretty smart. If you are sitting at the table reading the newspaper and sipping a latte, they will revolt.
If you simply must take a break try this instead....
"Mom, why are you just watching TV and not helping us?"
"Oh, I'm not sweetie. It's just that Ellen is about to tell me how to do this. Let me listen and then I will be able to come help you."
Oh sure, they'll look at you funny and question your intelligence but its worth it for a few minutes of quiet.

*Disclaimer*Please note, that last scenario does not work in an upper management situation. Make adjustments accordingly. Try sitting in front of a computer as opposed to watching Ellen. Of course, you can watch Ellen online...