Accidents Happen

It has been 20+ years since that night and I can still remember every detail down to what we were both wearing.
I don't dwell on it, it's just that when something is burned that deep into your psyche, you can't get rid of it. Someone will ask a question, or something will trigger a memory and then, there it is. It comes back in clips sometimes. Like photos thrown across a table. No order or reason, just there.

We had gotten a new car. It was a Ford, ugh...not a fan. After a week, we took it back and got the truck. Chevy! Much better.
Because we had bought it in the valley and not near the base, we had left our original car at my parents house. He was off that weekend, so we went to visit and get the car. While we were there, we also decided to get a dog. We were moving up... two cars and our first, fuzzy faced kid. She was a shy German Shepherd mix. Perfect for our new, smaller apartment. We didn't always think things through.

He had just returned from a 6 month deployment a few weeks earlier and wanted to see his friends. We stopped there on our way out of town and ended up staying way too late. By the time we were headed home, it was well after midnight. I was in my car with the dog, he was in the truck.

Because it was so late and he was so tired, we stopped a couple of times so he could walk around and so the dog could too. At the last stop, I started to get in my car but walked back over to the truck. He was falling asleep in the driver's seat.
"Hey, wake up! Are you going to be ok?"
"Yeah, I'll be alright. We're almost there."
"Ok, if your sure. We could leave one of the cars here and I could drive."
"I'm not leaving anything here. I'll be ok."
"Alright. Put your seat belt on."
I made sure he was buckled in and got in my car.
He pulled out first. His tail lights were right in front of me. The dog made a noise or something because I looked down for just a second. When I looked up, I couldn't see the lights any more. I sped up. There were lights up there but I couldn't tell which ones were his. I went a little faster and caught up to the lights. Not him.
I was starting to think I was nuts. How could I have lost him that fast? Did I pass him and not realize it? It was weird, like he just vanished.
I kept driving and driving. Still nothing. There weren't many cars on the road. It was somewhere between 2-3am. I came around a corner and my headlights finally hit the truck.

It was in the middle of the road and upside down.

My initial reaction was panic, like some one had sucked all the air out of the car. Then, as I got closer, I saw someone walking up the off ramp on the shoulder. That was him. My thoughts then turned to that of "you idiot, what did you do?" I shook my head and rolled my eyes. I got closer and my lights hit him just as I pulled up past the truck. I was pulling over to the shoulder and waiting for that moment of acknowledgement, except that when our eyes finally met, it wasn't him. I watched this person walk past my car, I followed him with my eyes as he just kept walking. I turned back for a second, then looked again and he was gone. I was sure that was him.
Now the panic was back. Suddenly there was someone tapping on my window. "We've already called CHP. You don't need to stay."
"Wh..what?"
"We've already called it in."
"Thats my husbands truck."
Expressions change. "Umm, how do you know?Are you sure?"
"Yes. I'm sure."
"Wait here."

In every movie you will ever see, this is where the person gets out of the car and runs to where the other person was. If you were to picture yourself in this situation, that is what you would picture. That is not what happened.
I couldn't move. I sat almost perfectly still except for the nervous movements of my hands on the steering wheel. I could not have gotten out of that car if it had been on fire. I absolutely could not move. Various people came to the window and tried to talk to me. I only half understood. When I did finally move, I got out, walked around my car one time and got right back in. I sat there, in my car, alone, with my dog, on the side of the road for almost 3 hours.

CHP came, the ambulance came, the coroner came.

The two officers that were there drove me home. One drove me in my car while the other followed. They had asked if I had anyone that they could call for me. My closest family was over an hour away. They asked if there was anyone from the ship that could come. I gave them some names.
The patrolmen stayed with me at my apartment until the guys could get there.
One called my parents and then they both drove me to meet my dad and my in-laws.

If you ever get pulled over and the officer is cranky or just not as pleasant writing your ticket as you would like him to be, think about this; Maybe he's had a long shift, maybe he just came from a senseless accident where a child was hurt, or, maybe, he just drove a 19 year old widow home.